We all get down. But, we all have things we love. We can all laugh at the silliest little things. We all fall in and out of love. But what is a certainty, is that we all get down… some of us, more than others.
There’s peaks and troughs in life. They just exist because they do. Most people get to the bottom of a trough and then pull themselves together and feel better soon enough. However, for some, there’s trapdoor at the bottom of those troughs that leads to a basement, and in that basement is a spiral staircase that goes further down, and at the bottom of that staircase is a room where I’ve sat for periods of my life.
I’ve struggled through most of my life with anxiety. Panic attacks that make me shudder and shake and want to die. A deep paranoia that makes me distrust everyone. A constant nausea for weeks at a time that made me throw up every morning. It’s not a good time. I’ve tried hypnosis, but it’s limited. I’ve tried drugs (the prescription and other kind), and whilst they help, I don’t want to be reliant on them (but the prescription kind will help – better living thru chemistry is what my Mom tells me). I’ve tried meditation, but it just made me lightheaded, because I hyper-ventilated. I’ve tried drinking to numb the pain, but that just exacerbates the depression.
So what does work? I’ll tell you what has helped me. Pure, unadulterated willpower. If, one day you wake up and don’t want to go to work or school because you can’t face it, get up and go do it. If you’re scared to go somewhere because you’re worried about being in unfamiliar surroundings, get yourself there. If you’re uncomfortable in social situations, go somewhere where there’s lots of people and talk to someone completely random (this may not work in a cinema… it may backfire ;)).
It won’t be an overnight thing, but I’m now close to a point in my life where I’m stronger than I’ve ever been, and you will be able to as well. The anxiety and paranoia you feel when you’re feeling down? It will ease, just the same as the heartache of losing someone after a relationship breakup or a death. Breathe, be strong, have faith in your abilities and don’t you dare let the anxiety become the owner, take the power back people.