10 Ways to Procrastinate

1. Order all the pans in your kitchen in pitch order and play it with wooden spoon, I call this “the pan-o.”

2. The old time classic, just get stoned (this can be done in conjuncture with anything else on the list)

3. Exercise, I mean if it’s healthy it can’t be bad to do even if your deadline is tomorrow.

4. Have a wank  – also known as procrastibation (fuck off spell checker I know what I mean)

5. Organise something: CD’s , DVD’s or cupboards. If already organised then try something new, I mean alphabetical is so old school, why not try it by genre or lead actor?

6. Open fridge, stare at fridge, walk away from fridge, return to fridge, repeat.

7. Spy on everyone you know on Facebook. When you’re bored of them, spy on people you don’t know.

8. Tell anyone who listens how much work you have, possibly threaten to drop out or say you just won’t do it…. You won’t drop out, you will do it.

9. Stare at the work, if you keep staring at it you will eventually unnerve it and it will go away.

10. Write a blog post for Nice Man!

The Liberal Dilemma

I have something to tell the Nice Man community! It is something I have known for a very long time. Some of those who know me may have already guessed but… I AM A LIBERAL. Not just a bit liberal either. I am a full blown, gun hating, salad munching, second hand clothes wearing, commie cuddler.  Of course this is not something I am ashamed of, it is a central part of who I am. Every decision I make from who I vote for, what I eat, what I wear and even who I choose to associate with is based, in part, ­on my political beliefs.

My constant attempts to be a better person (You may not see this as being a better person, but that’s a debate for another day, or the comment section) comes with a curse, and that is liberal guilt. It seems that every time I try to do something good, I’m also doing 100 bad things. The best example of this is obviously drug use, something many liberals choose to overlook. The hypocrisy of passing judgement on regimes and organisations, while at the same time funding them for an unnecessary luxury is an act carried out by thousands of people throughout the western world.

However this is not the only questionable act carried out by us so called liberals. Something as seemingly innocent as buying a t-shirt comes with the burden of knowing it was probably made by an orphan slave child who has to work 29 hours a day or he’s not allowed to eat for 3 years.

Of course people who disagree with you will take great glee in pointing out that although you have managed to end world poverty through peaceful protest, you did once have a one night stand and not text them back so you’re an evil misogynist and you did get a taxi home so you have personally caused global warming.

So what is the answer? To ignore everything and avoid falling into the dark mire of guilt and despair that comes from trying to be a better person? No, of course not, my personal philosophy is: “Try not to be a knob” and I think that’s the best anyone can really do. Don’t stop using your car, never sleep with someone again and refuse to get new clothes unless you have made them yourself out of materials you grew in your garden. Just try you’re best to be a better person and make the world a better place and when you slip up, because you will, don’t allow negativity to stop you trying.