Eat This! Appetizers for Dummies



No actual cooking involved!

Lately, I’ve been trying to learn how to cook more things. But cooking is hard! So fuck cooking. Make cold food!

If you’re going to a potluck or you’re hosting some sort of gathering in your nest, you should totally get with these super easy little hors d’oeuvres. I don’t know if that’s the right term for these but, in any case, they make awesome snacks! I spent less than 15 bucks for all the ingredients and you only need a bit of each ingredient to make these. I’m not sure what to call them and I don’t know if this recipe already exists somewhere (I got it from my old roommate), but essentially they’re bite-size baguette slices topped with cream cheese, roasted red peppers and capers.


  • roasted garlic cream cheese (or just regular cream cheese, whatever)
  • roasted red peppers (in a jar… depending on the size of them and how many snacks you want to make, you should only need a few peppers)
  • some sort of french baguette
  • capers (these also come in a jar and you can probably find them for cheap)


  • Slice the baguette into pieces about 1/2 inch thick.
  • Spread some cream cheese on each one.
  • Take some roasted red peppers out of the jar and cut them into small strips.
  • Put the peppers strips on top of each piece of the baguette.
  • Put 4 or 5 capers on top of the pepper strips on each piece of the baguette.
  • And done!

Literally the easiest and most delicious snacks ever. Plus they’re colourful and pleasant to look at!


Eat This! One-Minute Chocolate Cake (Gluten Option)

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A lot of you nice men and women have been on a healthy kick recently, and if you’re anything like me, staying away from dessert is the hardest part. At the end of the day when I’m laying in my pajamas, I just crave something sweet. So I thought I better find a solution instead of ending up caving in and binging on a whole bag of Hershey’s kisses (this may or may not have happened before). I wanted to find something that was decadent, easy, yet still not horrible for you. And Voila! I came across this One-minute healthy chocolate cake recipe! Thank you internet. This chocolate cake is a measly 140 calories and has 2g of fat! (with a gluten option for people like Justin). This is probably one of my favorite recipes, just because of how easy it is. You mix all these ingredients together and zap it in the microwave! Best. Another easy recipe suggestion for when you crave something sweet, is melted semi sweet chocolate chips dipped in your favorite fruit like strawberries or frozen bananas and then chilled (great option for the hot summer). But before I start rambling on, I present you with a guilt-free 1 minute chocolate cake!

  • 1 tablespoon plus 2 tsp cocoa powder
  • 3 tablespoons spelt flour (or white, or peanut flour)
  • 1/8 tsp salt
  • 2 tsp sugar (pr evaporated cane juice)
  • 1/4 tsp baking powder
  • 1 stevia packet (or 1 tablespoon more sugar)
  • 2-3 tsp applesauce (or mashed banana, coconut oil, or vegetable oil)
  • 3 tablespoons skim milk (or milk of choice)
  • 1/2 tsp pure vanilla extract

Combine dry ingredients and mix very well. Add liquid, stir, then transfer to a little dish, ramekin, or even a coffee mug. Microwave 30-40 seconds. If you don’t want to eat it straight out of the dish, be sure to spray your dish first (and then wait for it to cool before trying to remove it).

Peanut butter frosting topper (Optional)

(Yields almost 1/2 cup, 55 calories a serving)

  • 1/4 cup peanut butter (or other nut butter)
  • 4-8 tsp pure maple syrup
  • 2 tbsp cocoa powder
  • 4 tsp milk of choice
  • 3/4 tsp pure vanilla extract

Blend everything in a small food processor until mixed well. Store uneaten frosting covered in the fridge.