Wonder Years vs. Full House: A Made-for-TV Love Affair

“Yeah, I just hit her in the face, now turn around like you didn’t see it!  This movie is airing on the Lifetime Movie Network!  No one here cares until it’s too late… NO ONE!”   I’m just assuming that’s what Kevin Arnold’s (ahem…Fred Savage’s) character is thinking right now, as he stares down his wrestling coach harder than Honey Boo Boo’s mother chugs a hotdog.

One of the best things about television is the Lifetime Movie Network.  Providing hours of entertainment about loser husbands, abusive boyfriends, and occasionally rerunning Erin Brockovich so we womenfolk feel somewhat sated in our quest for truly knowing our own power and strength.  Or… If you’re me, something to half-watch while I smoke pot, paint my nails, and laugh at the past lives of present celebrities… And vice versa.

Recently, I was basking in a day of freedom and came across the 1996 movie, No One Would Tell.  I’ll let TVGuide.com sum it up for you.

“A high-school wrestling champ (Fred Savage) puts the moves on a fellow student (Candace Cameron) then becomes possessive—and abusive. Sally Jesse Raphael has a cameo as a judge.” -TVGuide.com

I thought, Kevin Arnold is gonna beat the crap out of DJ Tanner?  Very yes, Lifetime Movie Network… Very yes.  Do not, under any circumstances, try to get your paws on this piece of shit, but if it happens to be on when you’re flipping channels sometime, this is definitely a recommended stopping point.  Just watch it for 10 minutes or so, that should give you enough shots of DJ Tanner in soft lighting to jerk off to.

Also SPOTTED in this movie:  Two Six Feet Under co-stars!  Vanessa Diaz (Justina Machado)

…and Gabe “foot-in-my-locker” Dimas (Eric Balfour)…we all remember my favorite boyfriend of Claire’s, right?



5 thoughts on “Wonder Years vs. Full House: A Made-for-TV Love Affair

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    December 6, 2012 at 6:44pm

    Fred Savage was always good at staring at people in Wonder Years (only to get what’s coming to him). Candance Cameron from Full House? Not so much. All that is already proven in that image. I’m actually interested in seeing Fred Savage wrestle. See if he knows what the hell he is doing. It’s usually depicted pretty badly in film and TV.

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    December 6, 2012 at 6:51pm

    Candace Cameron Bure is still HOT….I was totally surprised. She has had a bunch of kids, married to an ex hockey star(ish), you would think that the (wonder) years would be hard on her, but it all worked out for her. Just hope she isnt as batshit crazy as her brother. I wonder if she sits around and says, DAMN I cant stand it when Kirk comes over for supper.

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      Heather Rae

      December 11, 2012 at 7:47pm

      Dude Kirk Cameron IS fucking insane. Have you seen the weird ass religious movies? Not even the Left Behind series but like the one about him being a firefighter? And how about his how wife from Growing Pains just going along with it all? Fuck that. Also, I always thought Kimmy was the hottest Full House chick….NOT. It was Uncle Jesse’s wife…Rebecca?

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    December 7, 2012 at 10:01am

    Fred Savage totally wrestled in The Wonder Years too. There’s an episode where he’s recruited to join the wrestling team because he’s really awesome at it in class and he has to wrestle some notoriously good kid from another school and he wants to quit but he sticks it out! (Season 6, Episode 15, “Hulk Arnold” thank you IMDB)

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      Heather Rae

      December 11, 2012 at 7:45pm

      I think it’s the same episode that the guy who plays Rufio in Hook is in….he’s in at least one, maybe two episodes where he’s chilling in gym class with Kev. He looks like a mini BD WONG.


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