Your Mobile Phone is Shit

So, It’s come to this. I’m writing a goddamn article to vent some frustration at the idiocy of twat fanboy phone nobheads.

Android or iPhone? Which are you? You’re pretty much one or the other. I’m Android. Always have been. Tried using an iPhone for a while, but it made me so frustrated it wasn’t funny. I don’t understand why it’s so fucking closed to any real customisation. There is no question that it’s a wonderful idea (OS speaking), the hardware looks boss, it’s user-friendly to the max and has instigated a genuine public interest in a ‘gadget’ like never before (XBOX vs Playstation was interesting, but only to a tighter network of geeks). It was the first proper smartphone, and I thank Apple for bringing it to us, because without it, there probably wouldn’t be anything like Android.

Android is truly the public’s choice. Market share of phones using the OS went ballistic in a short space of time. The world’s biggest manufacturer of mobile phones isn’t Nokia anymore, thank god. It’s Samsung, and whilst I’m not massively impressed with their hardware, they certainly churn out and sell a fuckload – so they must be popular. My choice of mobile is the Huawei Ascend P1 if you were wondering… oh you weren’t? Well bollocks – I’ve told you anyway. It truly is the greatest phone I’ve ever owned (apart from a HTC One X that I did have, but left on a shelf in a supermarket like the pillock that I am… and no insurance…). It does everything I want. In a geek way. I control all the multimedia at home with it (Spotify/ VLC). I VPN to foreign countries to watch TV that is geographically locked. And I do all the usual stuff that I know iPhone can do. However, I do it with style, and grace and true productivity. My launcher of choice is TSF Shell (, and literally shits all over iOS’s rather simple folder designs and homescreens.

Yes, iOS is pretty. Yes, it’s functional and everyone can use it without too much tutorial. And if you like that sort of thing – it’s perfect for you. But it hasn’t evolved. It’s still the same layout as 2006. On the flip side though, the fact that your next TV/hand held gaming system/GPS/vanity mirror ( (yes, really: is going to have Android integrated has to tell you that this Android thing is massive. It really is a big deal and will be getting exponentially huge before too long…

P.S. Blackberry/ Window OS? Literal worst.

5 thoughts on “Your Mobile Phone is Shit

  1. Permalink  ⋅ Reply


    January 9, 2013 at 4:39pm

    Here is the thing, some of us don’t want customization, we don’t want to have to fuck around with our shit to do the things we want.

    Yes, I can buy a cheaper car and put some time into it and make it do what I want, and preform the way I want.

    On the flip side I can just buy a car with the performance and output I want, that may lack some features.

    This is where I am in life, and why I prefer iOS and Apple devices in general. With far less “fucking around” it will work how I want, when I want, and with what I want 99% of the time.

    I used to be against Apple for all the reasons you speak of, but it comes to a time in life when all I want to do is use a phone, play a game, download a torrent and watch it on my TV. That’s it, that’s all.

    Apple engineers everything from the OS to the headphones, so you know that it is going to run “perfectly” together.

    Android is made to run on phones much like windows is made to run computers, so its going to be far less stable and more tooling around required to have it work right, and will always lack the polish that Apple has.

    I used to build PCs and fuck around with everything, and customize and this and that, Im beyond that these days (although I did build a “hackintosh” and have jailbroken my Apple TV to get more out of it, so I am a little contradictory) and I just want my ecosystem to run smooth and not have to deal with kernel panics because I installed a new OS and I now have to fuck around and install the newest “food-named OS” because it is better then cinnamon bun that was out last week and was supposed to run better then anything else out there.

  2. Permalink  ⋅ Reply


    January 9, 2013 at 4:57pm

    Point taken Ian. But it’s so much fun to mess with things! The cool thing is, you can fiddle with Android to your heart’s content, and eventually you’ll get somewhere that you don’t want to mess with anymore, and works to a standard that you want…. which is where I’m at.

    Of course the adage “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it” is relevant. But there’s a lot of info out there about modifications to everything we do in life – computers, cars, houses, bodies… Are you telling me you’ve never thought about fitting sweeter looking wheels to your car? Doing DIY to make your house look better? Getting a cock ring? Exactly. The fact is that people love the ability to have a choice. And cock rings.
    (I don’t have a cock ring, but that’s my choice.)

  3. Permalink  ⋅ Reply


    January 9, 2013 at 5:42pm

    Dude, honestly I am at a point in my life where I don’t want to mess with things, that’s what I’m saying. If I want new wheels for my car I will pay someone to do it for me. If I want new carpet in the basement, I will pay someone to do it for me, new windows the same.

    Can I do some of the things myself? I sure can, and I have in the past, but to me, my time is more valuable to me and my family.

    • Permalink  ⋅ Reply


      January 10, 2013 at 9:01am

      I want this. I want to be where you’re at. I am Jack’s total Jealousy.

  4. Permalink  ⋅ Reply


    January 10, 2013 at 2:43pm

    Blackberry/Windows WORST, dude.
    I got an Android phone in the fall and it’s my first ever smartphone, but my bf has an iPhone and mine is so OBVIOUSLY better.
    I don’t know what previous versions of Android were like, but my phone has Ice Cream Sandwich. I love how it shows me so many details about what’s using up battery life and where my data usage is going. The iOS is actually pretty secretive when it comes to things like that.

Leave a Reply

Your email will not be published. Name and Email fields are required.